Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
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I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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