The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize