I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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