i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
