no you cant smoke seaweed
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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