We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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