I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.