New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.