Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut