literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
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everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.