I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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