So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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