i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
