uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
