gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize