His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
