He disabled his match.com account in front of me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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