Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
