Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
