My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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