Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He felt like a one man threesome
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
