I'm jealous of your bromance
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
