As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
