I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
