Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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