she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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