one two three fourrrrnication!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
