Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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