you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think my moral compass just broke
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