I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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