too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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