please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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