i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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