Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
