is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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