That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
