I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
