I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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