David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
