sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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