His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
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My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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