if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
