My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
