think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
her vagine was all disorganized.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
