yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
ttyl tear gas
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
