my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
