This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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