I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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