I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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