I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE