I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."