so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..