i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
its not stalking. its research.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
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I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break