I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
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Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.