last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
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Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks