Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me