Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She is in my trunk
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
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It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.