and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT