So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
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It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit