just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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