Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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