It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"