Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
