Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
