We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
should my penis look like a turkey
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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