I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
