You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
