those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
