I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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