This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
