I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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