When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
