It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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