when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize