she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
