At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
