Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
