Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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