how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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